


what's it gonna be?

by noirophelia



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, M/M, btw both nooreva and evak in stable living situations, i don't know what to make out of it, it's all just sweet, literally just my headcanons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 08:12:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19001845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noirophelia/pseuds/noirophelia
Summary: The one in which Isak is asked to be a donor for nooreva's child





	what's it gonna be?

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote it yesterday at 3am. idk. think about it what you want
> 
> it's not betaed. sorry. but i really hope you'll still enjoy it<3  
> the title is shura's song. ps. go watch her mv if you haven't already (spoiler: it's gay)

He breaths out. 

He’s home.

His keys find their usual place right next to Even's in the bowl on the shelf in the hallway. 

His mind busy, he says hello to Even on autopilot, kissing him on the cheek; fills up a glass of water for himself, and he doesn’t stop thinking.

“Are you okay?” he hears. Right, he’s home. So as Even. He sees a flash of worry in Even’s eyes — but it’s gone really fast. Somehow throughout all these years they’ve learned to understand each other, trust each other in ways they didn’t know they needed. 

They know each other better than anyone. Sometimes Isak thinks they could communicate just by being next to each other.

Isak floats himself out of trance and looks up at even again.

“I guess.”

He leaves the kitchen.

From the living room he still can hear cutlery strumming while Even is working; he can still feel the smell of the food cooking. He thinks it’s lasagna today.

He’s hungry.

Isak starts looking for his phone in his work bag— here it is.

To: Eva  
_I know I already said I have to think about it, but. Again, why me?_

He waits for an answer — for a few seconds he sees the dots appear. Then Eva calls him. 

Isak quietly groans. No matter how old he is, he still cannot understand why would people think it’s better to call than to text back. He assures himself it’s actually a very serious matter.

“Hi again” she says, her voice silent and rasped. 

“Hi.” 

Awkward. 

Could he imagine Eva and him will be in situation like this? He doesn’t know what to say. “So, I...”

“Listen, Isak. We understand if you’re not ready. Or if you won’t ever be ready. If you want it at all. That’s totally fine, it’s a serious decision. Take your time. But also, you know, not too long,” she whispers the last sentence. 

“How long have you been planning it?” Isak asks now, not daring to ask this in front of Noora earlier this day. He stands up from the couch and walks to the window. They live on the 3rd floor now. The most perfect place of all their apartments they lived in, if you ask Isak. 

The rain hasn’t stopped since around afternoon today and now it only worsened. He sees their car from where he stands; notices he forgot to turn off the headlights. He lets himself to deal with that after he finishes this conversation. 

“For a while now. But it’s all became real only when we asked you,” Eva shakily breaths out. “I already told you, we can use a donor from the hospital, but it feels weird for us personally. A random stranger who we don’t even know... and it’s probably extremely selfish to even ask you to consider this, because I know you and Even never planned kids on your own, but… I don’t know. I still think it was worth a shot.” She stops for a few seconds and then continues in the softest way Isak ever heard her talking, “Noora and you would make a beautiful baby, you know. You both have your good looks and your smart brains and all that. You should know these genetic stuff better, you’re a doctor after all.”

“Haven’t you heard that brilliant people tend to give birth to average kids?” he says but his voice is light. Isak feels like crying and suddenly he actually is. Eyes teary and voice cracking at the last words. He suspects Eva knows. She only quietly laughs at that. “Isn’t it weird for you? Both of you?”

“You know, when Noora and I first started to talk about it, it felt bizarre. But now? No, not really. We want this.”

“Do you think I could be a good father?” he whispers, he doesn’t know if Eva hears him at all. It’s deep in his fears and insecurities. Not being enough. Not being _good_ enough. Screwing things up like his own father did. 

“Would we ask you if we didn't?” Eva is fast to answer and Isak is surprised. “I really do, Isak. You care so much about people you love and you don’t even notice it. You love your mom endlessly, you care so much about Even and all your friends. Remember when you were so offended but didn’t want to show it when you thought Eskild won’t ask you to be his best man at his wedding? I think I even have the footage with your reaction on this one. Isak, I just know you _care._ ”

Salt in his mouth, ease in his heart. 

They stay quiet for a moment. 

“You asking me, uh. I have to admit, it was unexpected."

“I know."

“This whole thing feels huge.”

“It is.”

“I need to talk with Even about this”.

“Of course. As I said ten times already, take your time." She almost says goodbye but then adds, “And no matter what your decision will be, don’t ever think you’re not enough. If you're afraid something doesn’t work out or if you screw up... Even if you do, so what? You just try once more. Everyone screws up. And it's all allowed, believe me. It’s just how things in the world are, so you could learn from them.”

“Were you talking about yourself?” he lets himself to joke.

“No. But now that you mentioned that...”

___

He climbs up the stairs back to the apartment after checking the headlights and closing the car once more. How did he forget to do it in the first place?

His keys find their usual place right next to Even’s in the bowl on the shelf in the hallway. Once again. If he were to count, he wonders, how many times did he throw his keys in this bowl already? If he came back home tomorrow and the bowl was gone, what would he do? Would he even notice? 

He takes off his shoes, eyes glued to the floor, and he’s thinking and thinking and thinking.

Suddenly he meets blue at the kitchen door and it feels like a slap.

Isak’s eyes soften, and the next minute he reaches out to kiss Even, cupping his face with his both hands. He kisses him slow and tender, trying to put the apology into this kiss.

“Hello, love,” he says, not opening his eyes. “I know I’m a little off today.”

One of their victories lately. Stopping apologizing for things they shouldn’t be sorry about. It took them a while, but finally they are here and Isak is proud of them both.

Even just smiles a little, places another kiss at the corner of Isak’s lips. 

“That’s okay. Let’s have dinner?” Even takes his hand.

Isak squeezes it lightly.

___

They are trying to relax now. It’s just a bit over midnight, tomorrow is Sunday and they don’t need to go anywhere for the first time in two months. So they just lay together, or rather — Isak sits on the bed with his back against the wall and Even lies on Isak’s thighs.

They rarely have moments like this these days, but it only makes it more magical. Just here, looking at each other, touching, silently communicating. 

“I had to fire Tom today,” Even says suddenly. “I know we agreed not to talk about work in our bedroom but... He was my friend,” he lifts his gaze, and he looks so tired Isak wishes he was in power to take it away from him, “and a shitty worker. So.”

“I always trust you guts”. Isak squeezes Even's hand and then brings it to his mouth; then kisses his knuckles. It never fails to make Even smile like a smitten teenager. “I believe you did the right thing. Sometimes things are complicated and you do what you have to.”

They’re silent for a while, and Even closes his eyes, starting to drift off, but then makes himself open them again, fighting the sleep.

“I think we should get ready to bed,” Isak say quietly, smiling at Even.

“No!” raspy sound comes out of Even. He’s hugging Isak's legs now not wanting to let him go.

“You’re such a baby,” Isak laughs and can’t understand why this stupid Even’s ‘no’ and him hugging him makes his heart so full; makes his heart hurt and tighten. He still cannot understand how he can love someone this much.

“I am indeed. If you think i’m going to argue with you on this you’re wrong. You don’t get to be called baby that often after living three full decades," Even mumbles still not letting Isak go. “And now I’m sad, thank you very much.”

"You're my baby?"

"Mhm. I am.”

“My grownup baby?”

“Uhh. This one sounds weird.”

“And just “baby” doesn’t?”

"I don’t know. Probably just got used to it.”

“Eva and Noora asked me to be the donor for their baby.”

Even slowly sits up next to Isak, probably sensing important conversation coming. “This is why you’re so weird today?”

“Well, yeah. It still feels surreal, to be honest. What should I do?”

“What do you feel like doing?”

“I… Shit, I don’t know,” Isak breaths out desperately, taking a pillow to hide his face into it.

“Hey, it’s okay, you don’t have to decide today, right?”

“No, it’s just. God. I don’t even know how to explain!”

“We can talk about it,” Even says softly, taking away the pillow from Isak. “Now, or tomorrow, if you want. I’m here.”

“I know.” Isak whispers. He finds himself then half laying on Even’s chest, trying to slow down his breathing. Even’s right arm is rightfully on his back. The weight of it keeps him steady. 

He breaths out.

“I love you.”

Isak feels Even smiling in his hair.

“And I love you.”

“You and I,” Isak starts after couple of minutes, “we’re a family. We have to decide what to do about it together. We are a team,” he takes Even’s hand and squeezes it. “You never wanted kids. I know that and I respect that. And I… I never thought about it, really. It always seemed so far away. The future, the job. All of this. And now I’m actually living the future. Do you get what I mean?”

“I do.”

“So now I’m completely lost. If I have never really thought about it, how can I know if I want it? If I can handle it at all?”

“Nobody knows if they can handle it. You know why I didn’t want kids, right?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s everything at once — I’m scared of giving them my shitty genes, I’m scared of myself, of what I can do, how much I can scare them… It always was fundamental. But I love kids, and this part you know too. I’d be lying if I told you I haven’t pictured a big house and a toddler and you next to me. It was just my imagination though.” Isak can feel Even’s eyes on him, “But I think this is discussion for another day.”

“I don’t want you to be scared. You're so wonderful,” Isak whispers, hugging Even closer like it’s even possible. He can’t see Even, but he’s silent and that can mean only two things: either Even doesn’t know what to say or he’s thinking too much right now. 

Isak lets Even have it. 

“I can picture what Eskild would say,” Even quietly laughs at his, what it seems, made up joke in his head.

“Hm..?”

“Something like “Oh my god, this child is the luckiest. Can you imagine, two moms and two dads!”

It does sounds like Eskild, Isak thinks, smiling at the thought. After all, he really doesn’t have to decide today. 

Cuddling into Even, Isak closes his eyes once again. His mind and his body loosen up.

“I think we should get ready to bed,” he suddenly hears Even say.

“No!”


End file.
